Understanding Power and Control in Relationships: A Guide for Parents

In our mailbox today, we received something truly powerful—the new Power and Control Wheels from the Allison Baden-Clay Foundation. These resources have been designed especially for parents. They help recognize early warning signs of unhealthy relationships and open up vital conversations with young people.

At Broken to Brilliant, we know that domestic violence is not just physical. It often includes hidden patterns of coercion, control, and intimidation. These patterns erode a person’s confidence and independence. The new Power and Control Wheels shine a light on these behaviours, making the invisible visible.

Recognising the Red Flags

The wheels highlight the many ways power and control can manifest in relationships. These include:

• Coercion and Threats: Insults, belittling comments, or controlling decisions like what someone wears or who they spend time with.

• Intimidation, Monitoring & Stalking: Fear of someone’s reaction, constant checking of phones or social media, or obsessive surveillance.

• Emotional Abuse: Sudden changes in behaviour, withdrawal, anxiety, depression, or low self-esteem.

• Isolation: Pulling away from friends and family, making excuses not to connect with loved ones.

• Economic Abuse: Restricting money, paying for extravagant expenses for others, or depletion of personal funds.

• Technological Abuse: Pressure to always reply, distress if unable to respond immediately, or fear of online judgment.

• Using Privilege & Oppression: Extreme jealousy, possessiveness, or threats—emotional, reputational, or physical.

  
  

By mapping these behaviours, parents and carers can better recognize when something is not right.

Starting the Conversation

One of the most valuable aspects of these resources is that they don’t just describe abuse. They also provide conversation starters for parents.

Phrases like:

• “You deserve respect, independence, and kindness.”

• “Love shouldn’t hurt.”

• “You don’t have to do anything that makes you uncomfortable.”

  
  

These openers empower parents to talk with children and young people about what a healthy relationship looks like. For a young person unsure about their experiences, hearing “What you’re experiencing is not normal” can be life-changing.

Why This Matters

Research consistently shows that early intervention and education are critical to breaking cycles of violence. Conversations about healthy relationships help young people recognize red flags before abuse escalates. They support them in seeking help sooner.

At Broken to Brilliant, our survivor-led mission is to walk alongside those who have experienced domestic violence as they recover, heal, and rebuild. Resources like these wheels are practical tools that can prevent harm, empower survivors, and reduce the long-term impacts of abuse.

Empowering Parents and Caregivers

Understanding Your Role

As a parent or caregiver, your role is crucial in shaping the understanding of relationships for young people. You can create a safe space for them to express their thoughts and feelings. This openness can lead to meaningful discussions about respect and boundaries.

Building Trust

Building trust with your children is essential. When they feel comfortable talking to you, they are more likely to share their experiences. This trust can help you guide them through difficult situations.

Encouraging Open Dialogue

Encourage your children to ask questions. Let them know that no topic is off-limits. This approach fosters a culture of openness and understanding. It also helps them feel valued and heard.

A Call to Action

We encourage every parent, teacher, mentor, and community member to use these Power and Control Wheels. Place them on the coffee table, bring them into conversations, and use them to guide the next generation towards respectful, equal relationships. Because love should never hurt. And together, we can help survivors move from Broken to Brilliant.

Conclusion

The Power and Control Wheels are vital tools for parents and caregivers. They help identify unhealthy relationship patterns and foster important conversations. By using these resources, we can empower young people to build healthy relationships and recognise the signs of abuse.

References:

• Our Watch. (2021). Change the story: A shared framework for the *primary prevention of violence against women in Australia

• World Health Organization. (2021). Violence against women: Key facts.*